Yesterday morning it occurred to me that I had a month left to my 40’s.

I really wanted to blog about it, but my soon-to-be 13 year old was having a Halloween slumber party and there was just no time to blog. Yes, on December 1st, a mere 28 1/2 days from now, Typical Tracy will turn 50.

(if WordPress allowed me to make type larger, this would be about 600 pt.)

While I am so not ready to be the big five-oh, I can only hope my 50’s will be better than my 40’s. I have come to the conclusion that it wasn’t a fun decade for me. I won’t go into the details of the how, why’s and when’s, let’s just hope my 50’s are a bit better.

lrs1482_1But 50 is scary. it’s the threshold of old lady-dom. In the blink of an eye I’ll be 60. SIXTY (where is that 600 pt. font size button?) By then it seems like I should have grey, short cropped permanently permed hair. Don’t all old ladies have that hairstyle? Isn’t it an old lady prerequisite to have this hairstyle?

I don’t want that hair! That hair is from another generation – where men were dapper and women demure. I was watching an old couple at the supermarket the other day. She was in her elastic waist pants and a sensible blouse, while her husband was clad in belted trousers, tucked in oxford shirt, and required hat.

I can’t imagine my generation will dress like that when we’re older. I look shitty in short hair. And why would I ever want it short AND curly?

I have to say, in the same trip to the store, I noticed a woman who I will most likely be in 20 years. I was putting my groceries in the trunk of the Sloviemobile, when a woman walked by dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, her gray hair in loosely plaited braids, and a baseball hat on her head.

Yeah, I think that will be me.

I can’t see myself as an old lady though. When I think of being 50 I can’t help but think of my mom – like how  my mom was when I was my daughter’s ages…and I don’t feel like my mom. While lovable and warm, my mom seemed like a sort of a fuddy-duddy.

I’m not a fuddy duddy!

Or am I? I doubt my girls would give me an honest answer.

I still feel like I’m in my 30’s. But I’m not…not by a long shot. Oh, this sucks. I’m thinking too much about this.