weight of the world

I’ve not been blogging much these past few weeks. I guess the combination of Christmas and losing my job has killed any urge I’ve had to journal my daily comings and goings, and reminiscing about the past sorta bums me out.

The last few years, Christmas had been a source of anxiety for me. My husband is in his third year managing an outdoor skating rink in Richmond, which is open through the holidays. His hours are monumentally long – he literally comes home to sleep and shower the next morning. That being said, every chore involving the kids, Christmas, the house, the car, the pets – falls on me, who up until 3 weeks ago also held a full time job.

It’s exhausting and it really takes the joy out of the holiday for me. I rush and worry and spend and worry and agonize over what to get the girls. This year you have to add on the fact that I have to not only get my paper done and to the printer, but I have to train someone to do it at the same time. I’m making lists and charts and manuals for the designers that are taking over the shit I did for almost 13 years.

I have 3 days left at work – Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Then I’m officially an unemployed hausfrau, which I am looking forward to, in a way. I like the idea of getting the laundry done and tidying the house. I’m glad I won’t have to worry about pictures I need to take for upcoming articles. I like that I won’t have to hunt for a parking space every morning. I’ll enjoy all these things until my bank account begins to groan.

It’s really just the money I’m worried about. That and health coverage. I carry the kids on my policy that I am now losing. Whatever job I take has to have some sort of health plan – If I can even find a job. Oh, and let’s not forget that we have to apply for student loans after the New Year. With me not working, our actual income is one step above pitiful. I wonder if they only look at last year’s tax returns rather the the financial shit storm we’re really in.

Ugh, this world is getting heavier…perhaps I’ll just go bake some cookies.