Everyone has recurring dreams. I’ve blogged before about my dreams of roller coasters that have haunted me since I was a child.

For years I had dreams that I’d gone to school and simply ignored the fact that I had a math class. All semester long, I’d keep reminding myself to get to that one class, but never seemed to go. And then it’s finals time and I know nothing, and I lament “why didn’t I ever go to class?”

After my school years were long behind me the dream changed focus. Now instead of a math class, I dream I’ve had a baby but have forgotten all about it. It will suddenly dawn on me that for days I’d left it upstairs in its crib. It’s had no food or no diaper changes and I frantically run up the stairs to rescue my poor child. It is miraculously always alive and relatively unharmed.

Lately a new dream theme is making a nightly appearance. Almost every night I’ve been dreaming of bathrooms.

I usually need to visit the sandbox at some point during any given night. But, I hate getting out of bed in a sleepy stupor to pee – I usually just roll over and ignore it. By the time the alarm goes off each morning, my back teeth are swimming.

So it’s no wonder bathrooms are sneaking their way into my subconscious. I have to go so my brain puts me in a lavatory. The freaky part is I never get to use any of these restrooms.

All the bathrooms in my dreams are unusable for one reason or another. Some are just filthy – toilet paper and water litter the floor. Some toilets have no seats or have been used and not flushed.

Sometimes there are no doors on any of the stalls and the bathroom is teeming with people. I am too shy to drop trou in front of a room of strangers so I can’t go. Other times all the stalls are occupied.

Sometimes the toilets are so weird that I can’t quite figure out how to use them. Or I walk aimlessly through a building and am unable to find a bathroom anywhere.

Just last night I dreamt that I was on the toilet and a ghost came in and started turning on the faucets. I ran out of the bathroom – it scared the shit out of me, but apparently not the piss. My attempt to relieve myself was foiled once again.

As odd as this sounds it all makes perfect sense. Think about it – if I find a serviceable bathroom, I may actually use it. And you know what that would mean – a late night session of sheet changing. I can’t remember the last time I wet the bed and I certainly don’t want to revisit that at my age.

I should experiment tonight. I should get my lazy ass out of bed at 1:30 am and use the bathroom. Then we’ll see if I dream of something other than the potty.

I’ll settle for Richard Gere in a pair of cut offs…