I always try to observe good cell phone etiquette. To me, that means taking your call in a place that offers some form of privacy. Not so much because of that nature of my conversations – I’m no secret agent divulging matters of national security. Usually I’m telling my kids how long you microwave popcorn for. It’s just that I don’t want to bother others with my conversation.

It amazes me how many folks don’t follow this rule of etiquette. A few years ago I was shopping in the Dollar Store for Christmas stocking stuffers. I was really looking forward to browsing the aisles trying to find cute little things for my girls (this was when our Dollar Store actually sold some good stuff). But one aisle over there was a woman, on the phone with her realtor, negotiating the purchase of her new home. Aisle after Aisle I had to hear her babble about the home inspection and the mortgage rate and the counter offer, blah blah blah blah blah.

I tried to ditch her by moving to another section of the store, but our paths kept crossing. Before long I was sucked back into her real estate vortex. It gave me a headache. Why in the world would you not find a quiet corner to have this long winded conversation or just go outside? Because those cell phone people are arrogant turds filled with so much self-importance that they think everyone is interested in their lives! Who needs to shop quietly with my own thoughts when I can listen to rich bitch negotiate?

A few weeks back I was sitting in the waiting room of my hair salon, when a woman walked in while on her cell phone. She conducted her sign in with the receptionist with the phone to her ear, then sat in the chair next to me and continued her “power meeting.” Good God, it was annoying.

First off, wouldn’t you try to end your conversation before you entered the salon? Isn’t the salon supposed to be a relaxing, some what pampered type of environment? I would think one would pause at the front door and say, “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to get back to you – I’m late for my hair appointment.”

Not if your one of those cell phone people! They are so self-centered that they feel a very small and crowded waiting room is the perfect place to talk about firing that totally ineffectual employee!

And that’s what this broad did. She sat there for more than 10 minutes in the chair right next to me discussing “the office manager.” How she was not living up to her resume and how she must have lied about her skill sets and how much leadership she required, and that the company needs a take charge self-starter blah blah blah blah blah.

She didn’t stop until she was called to go back for her shampoo – even that one hasn’t figured out a way to stay on the line with her head under water. But by then I was privy to the fact that somewhere in Charlottesville, a girl was hours away from losing her job and it bummed me out. One of those cell phone people managed to spoil my haircut.

As for me, I take all my calls outside or end them as quietly or as quickly as possible when in a public place. My husband can attest to this fact – I get super annoyed when he calls me while I’m shopping. He’s learned that if the realization that we need toilet paper comes while I am at the store, he’s better off texting me than calling me or he’ll be dealing with a very snappish Slovie.

Even at the office, I’ll walk outside the building if I feel I need to have more than a 72 second conversation. Although when I’m outside my office there are tons of people, they are en route to one place or another. They are not a captive audience forced to listen to my conversation about my daughter’s athlete’s foot or the cat’s fleas.

I’d be embarrassed to have a conversation where I knew others – total strangers –  could hear it. That’s what those cell phone people lack. They are such superstars in their own little bubble of a world that they lack humility.

If you are one of those cell phone people, my advice is to take it outside. We realize you are fabulous and fun. We know you have it all and everyone adores you. But you know what? Nobody wants to hear you.