I’d never heard the term “derecho” until a few minutes ago. Apparently it’s the term for what rolled through Virginia last night – a widespread line of destructive storms that have massive winds.

My girl and I were watching the USA woman’s gymnastic Olympic trials when the local news broke in to announce that a strong line of storms were coming. They were on the other side of the Blue Ridge so I wasn’t concerned – those boys tend to break up storms rather easily.

A few minutes later they broke in again with news that the storm was closer. A little more nervous because for them to jump the mountains with such ease, they must be bad. I went out on my deck to take my plants off their perches and put them all on the floor to avoid broken pots when the wind kicked in.

It was so bizarre.  The atmosphere went from heavy and still to furiously windy. Within seconds we heard something that sounded like a gunshot – either a blown transformer or a tree on a car. I was screaming for my poor kitty that was still out in the melee, and I found myself thinking of poor Auntie Em calling for Dorothy in the shadow of that twister.

My youngest started to panic as the MIA kitty is hers. It was really getting bad out there and I felt the need for everyone near and dear to me to be safe indoors. For the next 10 minutes I was out the front door and then the back door calling for Dodger in the face of a serious blow job from Mother Nature.

The power flickered and the cable went out. Fuck! Right in the middle of a great uneven parallel bar routine! I quickly glanced up at the ceiling fans…still spinning – we  hadn’t lost power. Praise Jesus. Even in the middle of this storm it was 95° at 9:30 pm. Had we lost power I would’ve packed up the kids and the kitties and headed to any hotel that had working AC.

I got out all the candles just in case and went out to call Dodger again – up the stairs he trotted, but was so freaked by the storm that he just crouched in front of me. I had to pick him up and carry him inside. Now I know where the term “pussy” originated from.

I fiddled with the TV and got the cable working again. I just had to reset the box. We sat nervously and watched the rest of the gymnastic Olympic trials, but every creak, blow and flash of lighting made us tense.

Before long the watches and warnings left our area and moved onto points east. The worst was over. I went outside and saw tons of branches and leaves on my porch, walk and driveway, but no rain. Not a drop of rain had fallen.

What a rip off. I have wilting plants and a water company that are a bunch of thieving robbers and mother nature couldn’t spare a drop or two? I’d never seen anything like it. Just wind and lighting but no rain? Oh well, I went to bed with the AC on and the ceiling fan gently wafting a cool breeze on me.

This morning at 7:30 am my girls and I left the house to head into town for Old Navy’s big $1 flip flop sale. We planned on getting some bagels at Bodo’s our town’s super great bagel franchise.

Hmmm. Traffic lights were out in several places. Not a good sign. Bodo’s #1 was dark and the parking lot empty. No power. Bodo’s #2 had some traffic in the lot, but that was just from folks driving up and reading the sign that they had just regained power and would open at 9 am. Bodo’s #3? More of the same.

We were all hungry, but decided to forget bagels and just get some McDonald’s next to the Old Navy. Upon turning into the parking lot it was like armageddon … Armageddon line for this McDonald’s. The line was out the door and the drive through was around the corner.With every other breakfast place closed and tons of people out of power, the masses ran to the golden arches.

Fuck that! I will not wait in line for anything that starts, ends or is hyphenated with a “Mc-.” We just went to Old Navy, loaded up on sandals and by then, found Bodo’s to be open and had our breakfast. We got there at just the right time. 5 minutes after we sat down, the line for bagels was out the door and around the corner.

That hot, fresh everything bagel tasted just fine.

All snarkiness aside, I am damn lucky. Tons of folks are still without power. Some people in our community died due to falling trees and poles. All I have is some branches and leaves to clean up. My TV is on and my AC is cranking.

We really dodged a bullet and for that I am thankful.