While my family and I were on vacation, we ate our fair share of fast food, and let me tell you something…I have concluded that the folks behind the counter are brainless, nonsensical morons.

Some of you may be thinking “duh…” right now, but some of the things I have experienced go way beyond your average levels of stupidity. This goes beyond not getting our order right – they can’t even manage to take the order without total concentration.

Every place we visited presented us with some form of fast food fuck up.

  • At a Taco Bell in Virginia my daughter was served a hair with a taco around it.
  • The McDonald’s in South Carolina burned the bagel on my breakfast sandwich. Then, when they went to remake it, they forgot that I had told them no breakfast sauce 14 times. I was also crabby because McDonald’s has stopped serving hot tea – I need my cup o’ Lipton’s in the morning.
  • The Krystal in Florida had a super guy behind the register…prompt, polite and very bright. But it took them forever to get us our food. Folks that had come in after us got served decades before our burgers were ready.

But yesterday I experienced acute stupidity mixed with incompetence…it was a fast food perfect storm! While ordering our lunch, I was going a bit too fast for the addle-brained teenager behind the counter. I ordered a nugget Mighty Kids Meal – which is MickeyD lingo for “the larger sized happy meal.” I mean it’s their name. The girl looks at me and says “4 piece or 6 piece?”

Then I move on to the next order which was a #2 with no cheese. She stops me and says she has to back up…”what sauce did you want with the nuggets?”

“Barbecue.”

“Is that all?”

Exsqueeze me? Did she not just stop me from continuing my order so she could pinpoint and lock in the kind of dipping sauce I wanted for my 6 piece Mighty Kids meal? I take a breath and say, “A #2 with no cheese.” to which she replies,

“Will that be the meal or just the sandwich?”

Ok, why would I say “a #2” if I were just getting the sandwich? Wouldn’t I say “Quarter Pounder” rather than a #2? This gal was getting dopier by the second.

After I completed my order, which was beginning to feel more like the SAT’s than a quick meal, she needed to take my name. This didn’t encourage me…if a McDonald’s needs to take your name that tells me they might be a tad bit slow. I tell her “Tracy.”

She says “how do you spell that?”

Ok, now there are several different ways to spell Tracy. There are the cool ones like me who spell it right. Then there are the dopes who spell it “Tracey” with an “e.” Then there are others seeking attention who spell it “Traci” or “Traysee” or “Tracie.” So, I let this question, which was bordering on idiocy, slide.

I say, “T-R-A-C-Y.”

She begins frantically scribbling down letters, gets to the “a” and says “can you give that to me again?”

Are you fucking kidding me? My name is not Rosannerosannadanna for corn’s sake. How hard is it to spell “Tracy?”

And to make matters worse, our order came wrong. First of all my food was totally missing. Paid for, but missing. And my daughter’s burger had cheese on it. And there was a cup for an iced coffee on the tray. We didn’t order any iced coffee. My husband took a giant bite out of the incorrect burger and brought it up to the counter to have them make it right.

Good for him.

We all agreed it had not been a good restaurant week for our little family. Perhaps we should just stick to making sandwiches at home.

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