Tomorrow I am decorating my house for Halloween. I adore just doesn’t like me.

It stems from when I was a young gal, and the favorite aunt to my two nieces. Each year I would devote a Friday or Saturday night right before Halloween to Megs and Erin and we would carve pumpkins. I’d also make a graveyard cake each year, complete with goofy tombstones that read something like “here lies the body of Mortimer Cranny – He died when a spider crawled right up is fanny.” I’d also get properly toasted on wine – some things never change.

When I had kids of my own I wanted to do Halloween old style – which meant making costumes. My mom made our costumes either by sewing them from a pattern or coming up with something from old clothes and whatnot that we had laying around the house. I made my firstborn’s costumes until she was 5. She was a cow, pebbles, a cowgirl, a cat, and then a fairy princess. That was the costume that ended it all. I spent more money on the materials to make the costume (let alone the HOURS it took to sew it) than it would have to buy one from the store.

Now I throw my energy into decorating my house. 10 years ago tomorrow we moved into our first house, and it’s the house we still live in. And for 10 years I have been collecting more and more Halloween crap to adorn my house. I’m like a junkie…when I see something cool in the store, I am dying to buy it. More times than not I don’t because lots of it is too expensive. But after a decade of selective purchases, my house is tricked out for Halloween.

And I get about 8 trick or treaters each year.

See, I live on the busy, main street in my neighborhood. It has NO sidewalks (way to plan, assholes) and Virginia  has this dumb ass rule where you don’t trick or treat until after dark. So let’s do the math…pitch black roads + no sidewalk & traffic = very few kids.

for years the whole family would go out and we would leave the bowl of candy on the porch with a “1 each” note. The kids were young and we felt it was important to head out as a family. But as they got older, I was able to stay home a year or two to enjoy handing out candy like any other red-blooded American. That was when I realized a) my house was a dud and b) most likely all my candy was getting robbed by one or two groups of greedy kids.

The first year I stayed home I made a cd of creepy songs and sat watching “Psycho” waiting for the kids to come a knockin’. I had like 6 kids. As I looked up and down the block I realized we were in a totally dud neighborhood. None of my neighbors had their lights on – not just my next door neighbors, but neighbors like 5 deep in either direction. So, my area got totally avoided, even though my house was  ghoulerific.

But, I shan’t give up. Tomorrow we will bring out the skeletons, and the ghosts, and the pumpkins and the lights, and the crows, and the giant web and spiders, and especially Danny, who is a motion activated ghost that is supposed to moan and move when he hears a noise. But, Danny is fickle and only performs when he wants to. He is my youngest daughter’s absolute favorite.

And I hope to break double digits in trick or treaters.