Long Live the King of All Media

I’d like to say, “thank you.”

Lately your listeners have been giving you major shit about your new contract at Sirius. Some of the fan pages on Facebook have had some seriously venomous things to say about 1) your three day workweek, and 2) your endless supply of vacation time. Personally, I think some of them are mentally unstable and fanatical enough to bury the needle on the creep-o-meter.

It makes me think back to November of last year, when my panic level rose as your live shows and your contract counted down. I actually called your show and begged you not to leave. Your show is so intimate; you invite us into your life so completely, that I know your entire ritual for wiping your ass, and am privy to the fact that you had a tick on your balls. You were quite nice to me during that phone call – and Fred even played a few of my favorite sound effects.

If you left, what would I listen to? Our local radio sucks, and sucks bad. Nothing but right wing talking bobble-heads and cookie-cutter top 40 music stations. So when the news came down on December 9th that you had indeed re-signed, I was elated, relieved, gratified and thankful. And you managed to give us another moment of radio gold with the prank on Sal, and hearing him cry like uncircumcised newborn.

I am thankful for whatever live broadcasts you provide us with. Hell, I’m thankful for the replays. I love the Stern Show Shuffle and This Day in Howard Stern History. I spent the last 4 years of your K-Rock gig living in a state that was too fucking ignorant to carry your show. I missed a lot of great radio, and am thrilled when I get to hear a segment that I might have missed live.

This is why I get so incensed at the vicious reactions some of your listeners have been having recently. I will not call them “fans.” Maryanne from Brooklyn is a fan, but these twits are just angry, bitter, morons that need to stop obsessing and change the fucking station.

Try to remember, you have many grateful, adoring fans. Not all of us are bashers. Not all us send you malicious tweets and leave menacing voice mails. Most of us just sit back and enjoy the show.

I will cherish your last 4+ years on Sirius, vacations and all. I will be very, very sad when you retire. I will then scour the web for show clips when I need a Howard fix. And even then, then nut-bags will piss and moan.

You have given yourself to us fully for the duration of your career. And I can’t thank you enough.